Trailer Blogger

All the movie trailers that matter

The Twilight Saga: Eclipse

without comments

"Edward, I've never seen you so positively gleeful!"

All right, so we all know it’s the “in thing” (along with, unfortunately, ironic mustaches and unwashed “my clothes are a sustainable resource” overalls) to make fun of Twilight right now, so before I jump on the “Twilight is so 2008” bandwagon, let me be the first to admit that I liked the books. That’s right. I went there. Of course, I’m a girl, and reading them to me was basically like eating a bowl full of M&Ms—I feel sickened and horribly embarrassed when I’m finished (because, let’s face it, even though Stephanie Meyer fancies herself as some sort of Anne Rice/Jane Austen hybrid, she’s far from it), but during my feeding frenzy, I’m hooked and overjoyed. I therefore expected the movies to be equally as addictive.

Before I went to go see the movie, I couldn’t help but dip my hand into the candy bag and get a glimpse of what I was about to watch. Turns out, it wasn’t a bad trailer: it got me really excited. Of course, since the movies are, aside from being entertaining to laugh AT, horrible, it got me excited for rather unconventional reasons:

1)      I suspected that Kristen Stewart would go blind

Now that would be a great subplot. Besides, how could she not? Apparently all she does with her boyfriend is spend days lying out in absurdly beautiful fields surrounded by perfect purple flowers while he glows. And if his diamond skin doesn’t burn off her retinas, what about Taylor Lautner’s abs? Jesus! Evidently his contract includes the phrase, “with each movie, you will be hooked into increasing amounts of nudity.” What did that kid do to get that stomach?! (…his stomach: secretly my greatest impetus to go see this movie)

2)      I wanted to see if Robert Pattinson would have another expression besides “incredible concern”

I’m sorry, I stand corrected. Robert Pattinson has at least two expressions: squinty and aggressively squintier. Of course, in his defense, that’s one more look than Jackson Rathbone has—not once is Jasper shown without the challenging facial expression of “really, really intense.”

3)      I was certain that Dakota Fanning would do something impressive

I mean, she has to. Why else would she be there? You know what’s ridiculous? Dakota Fanning requested to be in this movie. Really, Dakota Fanning? You were quite a good little actress, even in that awful movie Uptown Girls. And now you’re older (yet still in that age where we all remember you as an eight year old and guys can’t think you’re hot because that’s creepy) and you request to do Twilight? You can do better than that.

4)      …was that just who I thought it was?

Good job, trailer, wayta include a glimpse of Bryce Dallas Howard, who, as we saw in M. Night Shymalan’s last decent movie (nothing was worse than Avatar: The Last Airbender), The Village, is also a decent actress! Touche, Twilight franchise: switching it up by including a couple of legitimately talented people to balance out Kristen Stewart’s perpetually bored-looking “I’m so over this whole being famous thing” persona.

So I guess what this means is the Twilight Saga is finally trying attract the non-freshly pubescent girl population with some attempts at good acting. Hmm…

Written by Sally

July 19th, 2010 at 5:02 pm

Posted in Uncategorized

Leave a Reply