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Salt: Just What Angelina Needs

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All right, you caught me– this title is a double entendre.

First, let’s take “Salt” to refer to the movie:

You know, Angelina Jolie is a great actress. I really do enjoy her movies. The thing is though, I’m tiring a little of her perpetual foray into the action movie scene. I mean, she’s no Michael Cera– she has more than one character– but I would love to see her shake it up a little more.  I swear, if I see her do one more “hot woman who looks maternal and innocent but is secretly really bad ass” film (ahem, Mr. and Mrs. Smith), I might just give up on her.

Apparently though, that’s exactly what she’s doing with acting– retiring. And if that rumor holds true, then I’m shocked that she chose Salt to be her final film. First of all, as I mentioned earlier, it’s nothing new. We’ve seen this side of her in everything from Lara Croft: Tomb Raider to The Fast and the Furious. We really need to see some sort of character from her besides “sexy, mysterious, and  hard.”

Now, let’s think about that plucky little dinner accoutrement: actual salt

Angelina has six children. Yes, most of them are adopted, but as far as I know, her body physically birthed a few of those kids. How is she a bag of bones already? It doesn’t seem  healthy. Furthermore, it’s a little difficult to believe that someone with her build could pull of those stunts in the movie. I know for certain that if I jumped off of a bride onto a moving vehicle, I would splat like a plastic bag of vegetable soup dropped from a ninth  story window.

So how about Angelina eats some food and does some exercise? Or, you could just CGI her into another action movie like in Beowulf– that uncanny valley horror of a film.

I have to admit, I haven’t seen this movie yet, but judging by the trailer, I feel like doing so would be unnecessary. I could just pop in ANY OTHER Angelina Jolie movie and be equally as entertained. Then again, the trailer did make me want to watch it for two reasons:

1) The trailer did do an excellent job of keeping things under wraps. Every time I watch it, I’m highly confused: is she actually innocent? Because honestly, anyone who’s innocent and looks like a 30 year old PTA teacher couldn’t possibly shank someone in an elevator with her shoe.

2) Angelina’s part was actually written for a man. I’m just… I’m just curious how that will affect her portrayal of the part.

So maybe she’ll pull out something special… though I doubt it.

Written by Sally

July 26th, 2010 at 10:46 am

Posted in Uncategorized

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